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  • Hi. I'm Schmidt. You might know me as New Girl's LADY KILLER. I'm here to help you how to meet ladies.
  • Have one of my personalized condoms, a gift for you.
  • No thanks, DOUCHEBAG.
  • I'm wearing my lap dance pants if you want to try them out
  • Get away from me, DOUCHE.
  • I'm a sexual snowflake. Every night is a unique experience.
  • Here's a dollar. Put it in a douchebag jar and buy yourself some manners.
  • If we have sex you can be my girlfriend. C'mon girl. Don't just be a friend I buy meals for.
  • How do you spell DOUCHEBAG again? Oh yeah. It's Y-O-U.
  • There you go, smooth as jelly. Those girls love me. They'll come around. Watch me on NEW GIRL, Tuesdays at 9pm on FOX.
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