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So Nicholas pretended to be ill, and the carpenter upon his return was much astonished at Nicholas. There sat Nicholas still as a stone. The carpenter thinking he was in a fit. Nicholas claimed to have a vision from God and told the carpenter that a great flood was to come that everyone was to perish in, and the carpenter must prepare if he wishes to save his wife.
So the carpenter began to prepare for the flood and hung three barrels from the rafters of the barn, so when the water came they could cut the ropes and remain unharmed, all as Fly Nicholas had advised. When night fell and the carpenter fell asleep in his barrel, Alison and Fly Nicholas snuck away to the house.
Fly Nicholas and Alison were soon interrupted by a lovestruck Absolon, who stood at the window and begged Alison for just one kiss. Wanting to give Nicholas a good laugh, Alison promised Absolon one kiss. Out of the window she put her arse-hole, and Absolon, as luck would have it, kissed her with his mouth smack on her naked arse. Absolon stormed off after crying out, "Alas! May the devil take my soul, I'd rather have revenge for this insult!"
Later that night Absolon came back seeking revenge, but asking Alison for yet another kiss. Nicholas thought he should have his fun, so he quickly put the window up and stuck out his whole arse. Absolon smote Nicholas smack in the middle of the arse with a smoking hot iron! From his rump the skin flew off, he yelled like a frenzy, "Help! Water! Water!"
The carpenter, startled from his sleep, heard Nicholas yelling "Water!" and thought the flood had come. In a haste he cut the rope of the barrel and down went all, and stopped for nothing, tip he hit the cellar floorboards, and lay still. Up kept Nicholas and Alison, crying "Help!" and "Murder!". The townspeople came running, and up at the roof they peered and stared and gaped.
For when the carpenter spoke, he was at once borne down by Fly Nicholas and Alison. They told everyone the carpenter was mad and that he believed a great flood was coming! Folk began laughing at his lunacy, and treated his misfortune as a joke. He was reputed mad by the whole town. And that's how the carpenter's wife got poked, that's how Absolon kissed her bottom eye, and how Nicholas got a blistered bum. Now God save all of us, my tale is done!
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