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Going back to school after the incident was difficult. I felt scared, confused, and guilty.
I felt changed. Different from the other kids. I was sure they could tell that I'd done something wrong.
I can't wait to tell everyone about Ben!
This was ridiculous, of course, but I was ten years old, a time when everyone knew everything and I cared about what people thought of me.
This self-inflicted isolation went on for a month or two. I felt unworthy of my old friends.
I told my parents that Jacob was a bad babysitter because I couldn't live with the fear that he would be back. That was all I said, until one day I cracked.
And then.. then he... he told me he'd kill you if I said anything... and I...
They didn't hate me for it the way I thought they would. It was then that I knew things would be OK.
My sweet boy... I'm so sorry. We'll fix this. You'll be OK. I promise you.
I would never be the same, but it would be OK. I would be OK.
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