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Word Nerd - Pg. 1
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- It was the day I almost died. I was eating lunch outside on a sunny October day when Josh, Mike and Troy showed up and asked me to close my eyes. My eyes remained closed for about 10 seconds and then they left while telling me to open my eyes. Then I took a bite of my sandwich, and right after, I fell into anaphylactic shock. They had put a peanut in my sandwich.
- My name is Ambrose, it was my Dad's name. Being honest, I'm nothing like my Dad. He was from Australia, he was muscular and had tanned skin. My Mom met him in Banff at a pub when she was on vacation after getting a Ph.D. in English literature. She was all brains and he was all brawns and my Mom never thought she would end up with someone like him. But they ended up falling in love.
- After two years they were married and my Mom was pregnant. She got a job teaching English literature at a university and my Dad found tons of work in construction. But one day Mom got a call from Dad's foreman he said Your husband is in the hospital. My Mom drove as fast as he could but Dad was dead on arrival, actually he was dead before they even put him on the ambulance. He had an aneurism. An aneurism is when there's a blood vessel in your brain that keeps getting bigger overtime and then it just bursts. That's what happened to my Dad, just like that, he fell to the ground and died, before I was even born.
- WHAT HAPPENED!?
- CALL AN AMBULANCE!!
- A day after I left the hospital my Mom and I went to a confrence with the three stooges (that's what I like to call Troy, Mike and Josh) and the principal. The result was that the three stooges would be reprimanded and on lunchroom cleanup for a month, they also hated me a lot more than before but worst of all, my Mom found out I was lying to them and her about lots of things. I would always tell the three stooges about how my family was rich and that I was only sent to private school because they wanted me to mix with the normal folk , or how I spend my weekends at a chalet in Whistler. But I think they finally put it together, with the way I dress and all. The truth is we were poor. On the day they put a peanut in my sandwich I was wearing fake nikes from chinatown. The reason I went into anaphylactic shock is because I wanted to hide the hot pink fanipack that had my Epi-Pen in; and I got that fanipack as a free sample in mall. So since they figured out I was a liar they thought I was lying about the peanut allergy too. And even worse, after the stooges scoffed at the notion of me being their friend and my Mom asking me about it she put two and two together to find that I wasn't friends with them, that all the fun times and stories I told her about were fake. If you couldn't tell, I have no friends.
- Okay, well, thank you for your time.
- When my Mom and I got home it was pretty tense. My mom is very overprotective of me, to the point where she made me where a leash in public until kindergarten, she doesn't allow me on the internet because of the possibility of predators, she turned the entire school into a peanut free zone when I joined and many more outrageous things. Even still, I love her very much. But with all that said the reason it was so tense is because she did kind of lose her cool at that meeting - only to find out that it was partially my fault, and that I have been lying to her for months. After a chat though, we went about our normal night routine and played scrabble. Scrabble, one of the only things that I'm good at, sports: extremely bad, school: average but at scrabble, I think it's safe to say I'm better than a lot of people. When the game was done my Mom suggested correspondence school. It's pretty much you stay at home, get the same work and due dates people get at school and meet with an online teacher once a week. I liked that idea.
- Ha! I win!
- About a week into correspondence school the novelty of staying at home and finishing school stuff that I would spend 6 hours on at school but 2-3 at home had worn off. I was so bored and our T.V. only had one channel since my Mom thinks it's a pointless waste of time (and we can't afford otherwise). So one day I was watching T.V. while eating a overcooked piece of breaded chicken my Mom made when I heard a knock on the door. Before looking through the door I armed myself with a bag of oranges. I looked through the window and... it was Mrs. E. Mr. and Mrs. E own the house that we rento out the basement of. They're very kind old folks and they always say I look like their youngest child, Cosmo when he was younger. They talked about their children sometimes, they said Our oldest child Vivian is married to a doctor and our middle child Nick works very hard selling cars and.... What about your youngest? I asked. Mrs. E didn't respond but we found out overtime that he was in jail. Anyway Mrs. E had come to invite me for dinner and I agreed because Mrs. E is definitively the best cook ever (sorry Mom). When I was there someone rung the doorbell, I went to go answer it and when I opened the door I was shocked at who I saw. It was a man who looked to be 25, with a buzz-cutand big muscles. He asked me who I was and I did the same. But suddenly Mrs. E came running forward rejoicing Oh! My baby is home! Cosmo! You're back!
- Who the heck are you?
- Who the heck are you?
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