As I walk the halls I used to know so well, I can’t stop thinking about the stars we fell… from….” This is so stupid. Why am I even writing a poem? That's right, it's for you, you loved poems. You'd write them all over your fielder's mitt. I flunked out of school… again. We both knew that I was never smart like you. It should’ve been me instead of you. I wish I really had a brain tumor like I told that lady. This is all your fault
You died. You left me, you goddamn sonuvabitch. You left and now I'm a mess. Everything's messed up because you're not here. And I was just a kid, how was I supposed to deal with that?
How? What did I do to make it my fault?
How am I supposed to when I was never given a chance to process this? I've just been so angry and Mom and Dad don't care enough to do anything about it. They just put me in school after school after school and the same thing happens: I hate everybody and I flunk out because I'm such a lousy student compared to you. And the one time I tried to work through how I felt, it sucked.
I didn't choose to leave. And you can't blame me for your life being a mess. I'm sorry, Holden, but you can't. It's not my fault. It's been three years, you've gotta move on.
Why didn't you tell them? Tell them how you feel. I’m sure it’ll go better than when you wrote that composition for Stradlater.
Why would I? I want you to feel better, to do well in school… to get over me. I’m not against you, Holden.
Maybe it won’t be. Maybe you could finally get better. It’s either that or you just keep being miserable and a lousy student.
Right, because that would just be amazing. It'd only give them another excuse to have me psychoanalyzed.
I bet you would just love that you sick sonuvabitch.
I needed something to do, somewhere to go. I couldn’t stay in my dorm waiting for Mom and Dad to find out I got expelled, so I tried to get my mind off of things. I’ll be gone before Phoebe and them get here.
You don’t get to say that, okay? You don’t get to be here and act like everything’s okay, like I’ll be okay without you because that’s a real messed up thing to do, Allie. I thought you were better than that.
Then why’dya come here, Holden? Why are you writing that lousy, phony poem
Uhm…’Scuse me… ‘SCUSE ME
Oh hey jane. How you been doin’? Sorry about raisin’ my voice at you and all. I was just trying to make sure I wasn’t going crazy or anything.
Well anyways I been doin’ good. I think I was by your school the other day. … Actually, now that I think about it… why are you out of school so early hmm? Don’t tell me you gon and got kicked out again.
Just ignore that, it’s been a long day.
Holden… is that you? Holden Caufield
Going crazy? Whad’dya mean?
Yea sure. For old time’s sake. We don’t how long it’ll be before we see each other like this again.
I wasn’t plannin’ on going and getting kicked out but things just happen ya know? I actually been back for about a day so far. I was thinkin’ about calling up your place, but I didn’t want your mom to tell my mom I was back too early. Then she would get hysterical and all.
*Sigh* I can’t really say I’m all that surprised. Do you want to go back to my place for a game of checkers? My mom is out right now so you can hide out there for now.
Yea... I got into a fight. I sorta thought of myself as some hero. I got into a fight with my roommate. I think you met him for a date. His name was…Stradlater.
Uhh Holden…do you mind if I ask you a question? Did you get into some sort of fight before leaving Pencey Prep?
Holden you can tell me at this point. Its not like I’m going to tell my mom. Also, I’m done setting up the board, you can go first.
Oh… I didn’t think you knew about that. Why did you fight over me? Did you think he just forced himself onto me or something? Y’know I’m not just another clueless girl.
I know. I know. Don’t know what came over me in the moment but it made a whole bunch of trouble for me. I tried to swing at him, missed, and he swung back. And you see the result of that.
We still didn’t finish the game of checkers. Just a bit longer.
I think it’s best we leave it off like this otherwise I would be left with the though of a grueling loss as what might be the last memory, I have of you. I’m a little thirsty, I’ll bring you a drink as well just wait a second.
I don’t mean to kick you out or anything Holden. But it’s kind of getting late and my mom might be back anytime soon.