The Raven

The Raven

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  • *Ring Ring*
  • Last night at 2 o'clock while I was watching some good ‘ol Netflix and eating some quality Chipotle, I heard some beeping coming from my bedroom door. 
  • I went to the door to see what the ruckus was ,but as I open the door, an iPhone 21 shot through the room at an incredible speed.
  • But as the phone made impact with the wall, Siri screeched “Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore”.
  • But for some reason the autonomous phone reminded me of my dead incestual wifey, La-ia. I stepped back, starting to miss my sweet bae, La-ia. I went to the corner, sat down, crawled into a ball crid pathetically about my non-existent life. Siri kept screeching, I kept weeping, until I thought... what yould Uncle Eddie do?
  • nevermore!
  • !
  • And with that, I leaped back up, with new confidence, and confronted the extant iPhone. I asked it, "Hey Siri, why are you tormenting me about my wife's ended life?". I anxiously waited for a response, but the only thing she continued to scream, was, "Nevermore." I proceeded to grab a knife and end its life.
  • After I repeatedly stabbed the phone, I threw the knife across the room, panting from losing all of that energy from stabbing the phone. But when I thought all was right, I heard a faint sound come from the phone. It said, "Nevermore". I then passed out because it was too much emotional stress for me to handle.
  • Nevermore.....
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