Last night at 2 o'clock while I was watching some good ‘ol Netflix and eating some quality Chipotle, I heard some beeping coming from my bedroom door.
I went to the door to see what the ruckus was ,but as I open the door, an iPhone 21 shot through the room at an incredible speed.
But as the phone made impact with the wall, Siri screeched “Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore”.
NEVERMORE!!!!!! NEVERMORE!!!!! NEVERMORE!!!!!!
But for some reason the autonomous phone reminded me of my dead incestual wifey, La-ia. I stepped back, starting to miss my sweet bae, La-ia. I went to the corner, sat down, crawled into a ball crid pathetically about my non-existent life. Siri kept screeching, I kept weeping, until I thought... what yould Uncle Eddie do?
And with that, I leaped back up, with new confidence, and confronted the extant iPhone. I asked it, "Hey Siri, why are you tormenting me about my wife's ended life?". I anxiously waited for a response, but the only thing she continued to scream, was, "Nevermore." I proceeded to grab a knife and end its life.
After I repeatedly stabbed the phone, I threw the knife across the room, panting from losing all of that energy from stabbing the phone. But when I thought all was right, I heard a faint sound come from the phone. It said, "Nevermore". I then passed out because it was too much emotional stress for me to handle.