A lot of people know how the story of Jack and the Beanstalk went down. Or at least, they think they do. But they never heard about what actually happened, because they were never there. I was. The name’s Gabriel Iant, or G. Iant. Part of the noble Iant family known far and wide. I'm here to tell you the absolutely true story about Jack and the Beanstalk.
A few hours later...
At least my harp is still here... guess I'll go to sleep.
The sun was smiling, and the birds were chirping in the air. In my mansion made up of thick dark blue rock walls, I woke up in a great mood to start a new day. I went to the dining table to eat some breakfast, but I realized I was out of food, that is humans. So, I checked my coins to see if I could buy some food.
Suddenly, I heard my harp play some music!
Thief! Get back here!
You'll never catch me!
This is the 'true' story of the Jack and the Beanstalk...
I had no money left, so I decided to sell some of my useless magic beans that I couldn’t grow to my good human friend, Joe. In exchange, he gave me a magic hen that could lay unlimited coins, and a magical harp. The hen could lay a golden coin just by the word “Lay,” and the harp could play with the word “Play.” I was going to save that harp for my wife, who was on vacation. It was going to be her wedding anniversary present, which was coming up in a few days. That night, I got a few more coins out of the hen, and fell asleep with a satisfied grunt as I was counting the coins.
The 'Giant Ogre' was a 'treasure hoarder!'
“Fe fi fo fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman,” I grumbled in my sleep while having a dream of having a human feast. A few hours later, I woke up and stretched a bit to see that my magic hen was gone! I checked everywhere but it was gone. I looked around for my gift, and thankfully the harp was still in the closet where I left it. I still had a few more coins, then traveled to the local market to buy some food. After I dined, I fell asleep once again.
I woke up straight and found that the thief was a poor human who had stolen my hen, and he had the guts to try to steal my beloved wife’s gift as well! “You!” I screeched at him as I stomped over to chase him. “Thief! Get back here!” “Ahh!” He screamed as he ran for his dear life. I chased him like a cat and mouse all the way out of the house and into the front porch. On the way, I discovered that the way he found my mansion was because of the beans that I had sold!
I followed him and climbed down it as fast as I could to this runt’s house to teach him a lesson, but it was too late: his tiny little hands had reached him the bottom first, and he chopped the beanstalk, leaving me helpless and to fall to my death. After that, Jack and his mother made up a story to make me look bad. I was never bad, just longing for a gift for my wife. The story went viral; it went all over the world. It changed their life, Jack and his mother. People swarmed to see MY hen and MY harp. I was thought of as nothing but a treasure hoarder; I was known as The Giant Ogre ever since. And that’s the true story. That’s what really happened in Jack and the Beanstalk.