Once upon a time, there was a man named Joe. Joe irritated the wrong people. One day, Joe disappeared, in suspicious circumstances surrounding a certain narrator.
He was buried near a lake in California in a coffin filled with sand and rock; the perfect circumstances for fossilization.
As his body decomposed, the minerals filled in the spaces that formed in his bones. After millions of years, a perfect cast of his skeleton was formed. Aboveground, the lake had dried up and the land repurposed as a giant mushroom farm.
His cast was almost destroyed when Yellowstone exploded and the Earth was filled with mildly warm magma, but in a crazy stroke of luck it survived thanks to the mushroom farmer's faulty AC unit.
He was found 350 million years after his death by a were-mole looking for his car keys who donated the cast to a museum.
Joe's fossil became renowned worldwide as the most haunted fossil ever found. He was exhibited in the museum for twenty years before a pride of lions with knives destroyed him during the Fawkes Revolution.