My philosophy is Confucianism. If people anger you, do not try to hurt them. Li is how you should interact with people. Be logical and negotiate. Be a Junzi, or a gentleman. Go by the filial piety, have respect for those who created you.
And I am Han Fei
What Do You Want!?
Monkey, you have not followed the ways of our philosophies. And by Ren, you have not done onto others what you want for yourself.
I don't care about your stupid philosophies!
My philosophy is Daoism. You are a monkey. You cannot change that so you must accept it. Practice Wuwei, or nonaction. Leave things as Tzu-Jan, or natural and Tao, or "The Way".
I am not a monkey. I am the great sage, equal to heaven!
My philosophy is legalism.
Yeah, so what? What is your, oh-so wise advice? Be legal? Ha!
I will crush anyone that angers me!
No, monkey. Legalism is about the two handles. Keep your people ignorant and stupid, but give them consequences. That is your job as a ruler.