I’ve been trying to lighten my skin for Dad, at least that’s what I told myself. Just had to look like Mama. But now I know, it was for me. I think about that night on the back porch, me asking Dad why he hates me, and I never thought to ask myself. Why? Why I hate me? Gosh, I feel stupid. Stupid for the cream, bleach bath, exfoliation, lemons—all of it. Troy’s right, I’ve been caught up in the hype and what everybody thought of me, and I’m tired of it. I just want to look in the mirror and be okay with myself, that’s all.
Ma, I can't do this anymore.
I'm done with this list.
Good. Want to start another one? A positive one, like, what you love about yourself? I can help.
Naw.
I say no because this list thing was never my idea. I want to figure out what I like about myself, but I want to do it on my own—no lists or help from anybody.
It’s a goodidea, but I’m kinda done with lists for right now. I just kinda wanna start allover . . . begin again.
That sounds like a good decision. I love it. Just begin again.
But...I guess I can't.
Because...because this punishment stops me from starting anything new.