I am the middle child. I have two brothers. Of all of us, I am the only one who has been broken. Growing up was hell for me. I never felt loved or wanted. My brothers got the most attention and all the love while I got all the judgments and hatred.
Aril 24, 2019
Why is he staring at me?
I really don't feel like talking about it. It doesn't matter anyways so you shouldn't lose sleep over it.
What happened to your arms? Did you cut again? What's wrong?
April 24 2019. I remember it like if it was only yesterday. This was one of the most painful days of my life. I finally stood up to my dad. Everything I wanted to say to him I poured out on this very day. Now in order to fully understand let me tell you a little of myself.
I know he did not just say that! He MUST be kidding me right now.
Valerie I am here for you okay. You don't have to shut me out. Let me help you.
My dad saw my arms and my thighs. He saw the markings I’ve made on myself. It wasn’t one it wasn’t two. Some were fading and old, some were fresh and bold. He looked at me as if he felt sorry for me.
"You're here for me?! You abused me treated me like complete sh*t. I WAS YOUR PERSONAL BUNCHING BAG! Or did you forget what you used to do to me?! You were constantly angry with me and yelling at me. I watched you give my brothers all your love an attention. It was like you hated me.."
He was trying to get me to talk but I wouldn't because there are some things that I’ve been through, that I experience that I just can't talk about.
Valerie I am so sorry. I know I wasn't a good dad to you. What I did to you, believe me not a day goes by where I don't regret it. I wish I can take it all back. Give me the chance to show you that I'm different. I've changed. Im better.
No. I can't forgive you. I What you did what you said to me stuck. you scarred me for life. it may have been in the past but I will never truly heal from the pain you caused both mentally and physically.
When he said those words my blood started to boil. My body began to be full of rage and anger. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
I turned to my dad and yelled at him. How dare he say those words to me. He has NO right to say those words. I let out everything I always wanted to say to him, everything that I have kept bottled deep down inside.
My dad apologized once again for what he did and promised he'll be a better father than he ever was. He begged for forgiveness. Can I trust him? I don't think I can. After all he was the first to hurt me before anyone else. The look on his face, so full of regret, guilt and sadness.