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How to fit into the English Department - a completely fictitious storyboard.
Cry at your desk instead of the bathroom - it is more efficient.
Wait 24 hours before responding to emails. Don't email angry!
When you run into a colleague who says he hasn't seen you in a while, make sure you say you have been doing tons of research.
Come late to department meetings and then hold up the agenda by constantly questioning the presenters and insisting that SOMEONE do something about things.
Delete all important emails, policy documents, and announcements and then act outraged at the lack of faculty governance.
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