It's fine, but only that image, but except the color.
I really like this idea, but before, I think you could put this image to the other side
Jazz background music
Take:6 In.Designer Office 35"Sec Medium Shot
Electronic background music
Office sounds - Steps Transition: Dissolve
Office sounds. Zoom in - medium shot Zoom in - PC = Show the examples Transition: Dissolve Client: We agree.
Office sounds (keyboard and mouse) Zoom in - PC = Show the logo (Detail shot) Transition: Fade Black - END Designer: Here's your final logo, and it's way above the competition. Client: Great, even hits me.