Ladies and gentlemen! Today Secretary Jefferson and Secretary Hamilton will be discussing what to do about the Whiskey Rebellion! This is a revolt against our nation's Whiskey Tax. Secretary Hamilton, you may start!
Without the Whiskey Tax, the financial position of the federal government would be a mess! Even more, it helps our citizens drinking less! After all, it is great because I created it! We need to enforce the tax at all costs! I suggest using force, if we don't, I believe we will look back at this moment and have nothing but remorse!
The Whiskey Tax is terrible! Hamilton says it's meritable; that's a nice joke! He had a nice fluke getting it through our constitution! How did Congress even pass this trash?! It will rip the country into pieces!
Hey Thomas! You said my Whiskey Tax was terrible! I'd like to see you try to find another way to solve our national debt! Anyways, as I was saying before, we need to use force to solve this rebellion! We cannot miss this opportunity to put it down before it is too late. We need a military and soldiers to fight the violent group!
And another thing, Mr. I'm So Amazing, you bribed me into being silent on this issue! You said the capital could be in Virginia if I dismiss you and your Whiskey Tax! This is what Hamilton is full of everyone! Bribes and trickery! If I had it my way, I would have the states have their own taxes and would have them deal with this Rebellion! A tax on American produce? That's absurd! The president has no reason to attack our own citizens with a legion of soldiers!
Gentlemen, gentlemen, calm down! I have reached the conclusion that I will lead a militia into Philadelphia to end the Rebellion. I will then need someone to stay in Pennsylvania for a while to round up suspects of the Rebellion for treason and conspiracy. Then, I will attempt to pardon those guilty rebels, and will continue having the Whiskey Tax.