Whiskey Rebellion Rap Battle
Updated: 3/20/2020
Whiskey Rebellion Rap Battle

Storyboard Text

  • Ladies and gentlemen! Today Secretary Jefferson and Secretary Hamilton will be discussing what to do about the Whiskey Rebellion! This is a revolt against our nation's Whiskey Tax. Secretary Hamilton, you may start!
  • Without the Whiskey Tax, the financial position of the federal government would be a mess! Even more, it helps our citizens drinking less! After all, it is great because I created it! We need to enforce the tax at all costs! I suggest using force, if we don't, I believe we will look back at this moment and have nothing but remorse!
  • The Whiskey Tax is terrible! Hamilton says it's meritable; that's a nice joke! He had a nice fluke getting it through our constitution! How did Congress even pass this trash?! It will rip the country into pieces!
  • Hey Thomas! You said my Whiskey Tax was terrible! I'd like to see you try to find another way to solve our national debt! Anyways, as I was saying before, we need to use force to solve this rebellion! We cannot miss this opportunity to put it down before it is too late. We need a military and soldiers to fight the violent group!
  • And another thing, Mr. I'm So Amazing, you bribed me into being silent on this issue! You said the capital could be in Virginia if I dismiss you and your Whiskey Tax! This is what Hamilton is full of everyone! Bribes and trickery! If I had it my way, I would have the states have their own taxes and would have them deal with this Rebellion! A tax on American produce? That's absurd! The president has no reason to attack our own citizens with a legion of soldiers!
  • Gentlemen, gentlemen, calm down! I have reached the conclusion that I will lead a militia into Philadelphia to end the Rebellion. I will then need someone to stay in Pennsylvania for a while to round up suspects of the Rebellion for treason and conspiracy. Then, I will attempt to pardon those guilty rebels, and will continue having the Whiskey Tax.