Siddhartha is filled with despair as he realizes how futile his life has been. Having reached the bottom of his abyss, Siddhartha feels the only way to escape this pain is through death.
"He wished passionately for oblivion, to be at rest, to be dead" (87)
"He bent, with closed eyes--towards death... It was one word, one syllable, which without thinking he spoke indistinctly, the ancient beginning and ending of all Brahmin prayers, the holy Om , which had the meaning of 'the Perfect One' of 'perfection'" (89)
"He only knew that his previous life (at the first moment of his return to remote incarnation, like an earlier birth of his present Self) was finished, that it was so full of nausea and wretchedness that he had wanted to destroy it" (90)
Siddhartha is reborn, and upon reflecting on his past life, has realized how full of despair past Siddhartha was. He is getting closer to overcoming his abyss and reaching atonement.
"But when Govinda, feeling his glance, raised his eyes and looked at him, Siddhartha saw that Govinda did not recognize him" (91)
Throughout the years, Siddhartha has become someone completely unrecognizable to even Govinda, his closest and oldest friend.
"That was just the magic that had happened to him during his sleep and the Om in him --he loved everything, he was full of joyous love towards everything that he saw. And it seemed to him that was just why he was previously so ill--because he could love nothing and nobody" (94)
As a man reborn, Siddhartha is able to reflect on his feelings of despair from his past life. He acknowledges that he wasn't able to love anything in his past life, and that was perhaps why he was so ill.
"That was why he had to undergo those horrible years, suffer nausea, learn the lesson of the madness of an empty, futile life till the end, till he reached bitter despair, so that Siddhartha the pleasure-monger and Siddhartha the man of property could die" (100)
Siddhartha himself is finally able to realize the Hero's Journey path he is on, and he finally understands why he allowed himself to be trapped in despair for all those years.