As a kid, you always thought about wanting to be an adult. "I wish I am 21."
"This is so much fun! Catch me if you can."
"Guys! Hurry! I'll race you the barn!" "Not a chance! You will not beat me!"
But the truth is, the adults will never tell you warnings of what is being an adult like. Instead, all they tell you is, "Trust me, you don't want to..." It just leaves us with curiosity. My curiosity leads me to a farm that only haunts me.
I can't stop walking to the farm or even think about it. It solves nothing anymore.
Instead of running around with joy and waves of laughter, I walk around in tears and deep thoughts. The hay fields smell delightful as the wind blows my tears dry. Life was great but it sucked and it still sucks.
This farm isn't peaceful anymore. It was a place of fun, fourwheeler rides, mud, creeks, and all the redneck things ever invented.
I am a young adult now, and sometimes I can't go back to the place where my heart used to belong. It gives flashbacks of not only good childhood memories but memories that also haunts me. "I can't walk back there anymore." "It's not the same anymore. Problems seem bigger than the world."
I can't come here to cry the tears I want to shed. My feelings don't feel relieved here, it feels a bullet from a shotgun.
This farm means nothing anymore. It seems to all fade away but it doesn't. It's still there. Everything is still in the right place. It's still not the same. My fixed mindset lingers here still. It's hard to grow like it's hard for the corns to grow without rain.
It's a place that rips your heart out and destroys your minds. How can everything be so gone so quickly? "Brianna! Let's have a picnic!" We are too old for that. "Alexis, we're not 12 anymore." my curiosity strikes again, "Well, what am I? Who am I anymore?" I don't belong here anymore.
My inner voice battles within me, telling me it's not worth coming here anymore. I have to spread my wings with the other birds in the sky. I try to make the farm a better place, but instead, it only haunts me back. Flee little girl, flee.