Melinda is not one to speak up or defend herself, she lets everyone walk on her. Though she think so things to say to try to get people to understand why she called the cops, she is unable to.
“The girl behind me jams her knees into my back. They are as sharp as her fingernails. I inch forward in my seat and stare intently at the team. The girl with the arrested brother leans forward. As Heather shakes her pom-poms, the girl yanks my hair. I almost climb up the back of the kid in front of me. He turns and gives me a dirty look.”
“I don't want to be cool. I want to grab her by the neck and shake her and scream at her to stop treating me like dirt. She didn't even bother to find out the truth—what kind of friend is that? I don't want to be cool. I want to grab her by the neck and shake her and scream at her to stop treating me like dirt. She didn't even bother to find out the truth—what kind of friend is that?”
Maybe if melinda said the things she thought out loud and were to express how she felt maybe her life would be better and people wouldn’t hate her. But she is too afraid of people hating the her, who she truly is. With this she hides it while thinking it’s helping her when its really breaking her apart more than it would if she wouldn’t pretend or fake or hide her true self.
She isn’t lying she is a good actor but that’s always the best thing, she deals with depression and wonders why people hate her. When really if she would speak up and explain everything she would have an easier time. Maybe she's afraid of what people would say when being told who she truly is and how she thinks. This causes her to act like someone else completely which is only breaking her rather than fixing and helping her.
: “The musical would be easy for me. I am a good actor. I have a whole range of smiles. I use the shy, look-up-through-the- bangs smile for staff members, and the crinkly-eye smile with a quick shake of my head if a teacher asks me for an answer. If my parents want to know how school went, I flash my eye- brows upward and shrug my shoulders. When people point at me or whisper as I walk past, I wave to imaginary friends down the hall and hurry to meet them. If I dropout of high school, I could be a mime.”
This is actually true, but what Melinda doesn’t realize is that, she does this all the time and it’s doing nothing but making her life worse. It kinda makes you wonder if she would rather deal with the pain of being hated or with the pain of having to relive what happened that night at the party.
“It is easier not to say anything. Shut your trap, button your lip, can it. All that crap you hear on TV about communication and expressing feelings is a lie. Nobody really wants to hear what you have to say.”
This is what she is imagining what her tree will be about, but what she doesn’t or might not really think about is that she is making herself look how she thinks or believes how other people thinks she looks like instead of what she really looks likes. She being more negative about herself than positive. This can lead you to believe that she has little to no self esteem
“Two muddy-circle eyes under black-dash eyebrows, piggy-nose nostrils, and a chewed-up horror of a mouth.”