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I hate coming to Group here at Sea Pines, or as Sydney likes to call it, Sick Minds. Girls my age come here to Sick Minds for food issues, substance issues, or self harm issues, which is why I'm here. The girls who come to Group are the food-issue guests, Tara, a really skinny girl who wears a baseball cap to cover a bald spot, and Becca, another really skinny girl who wears white little-girl tights who came here from the hospital for having a heart attack. Then there's Debbie, a really overweight girl who's been here the longest. She sits next to Claire, the group leader. The substance abuse girls are Sydney and Tara, they sit on the other side of Claire.
After group, girls would go to therapy, however, unlike them, my issue doesn't require me to go there. Instead, I have to see an actual shrink. I have come here many times, but I refuse to talk. Every day you ask me the same question, "Today are you willing to tell me about why you do self harm?" And every day I don't even look up at you when you ask. I know something has to change for the sake of my family, but I just can't talk.
It was just another day in group, until I noticed a new girl walked in. She introduced herself as Amanda. Normally, the girls in group are quiet and no one is willing enough to talk. However, Amanda was not shy at all. She was very loud and judged everyone in the group. Amanda then showed us her scars; she's a self harm issues girl, just like me. Everyone looked at her in disgust, so Amanda looked at me and that's the moment everyone found out why I was there.
It was visiting day in Sea Pines. Only my little brother, Sam and my mom came. I did not see my dad anywhere, so I talked to my mom about it and she explained that since the insurance does not cover my stay here, my dad has to work extra hours. I was very sad that he couldn't make it, but I understood. I decided to play Sam's favorite game, Connect 4. He always beats me. Sam has been sick for over a year because of his very severe asthma. His mom always has to clean the house to make sure Sam will not have another attack.
I came back for another session with you. This time I actually decided to talk. I told you about the story when Sam got sick and how it was just him and I home alone together. I told you so much that now I regret because that could literally destroy my family. I told you the real reason my dad wasn't home that night. I feel like if my mom finds out that you know, she'll get even more sad than she already is. So, I decided to just run out of Sea Pines. I ran and ran just so I could get home.
I had been running for hours, but I soon became too tired. I decided to stop at a payphone so I could call my dad. He realized where was and came as soon as he could. In the meantime, I stayed at a Dunkin Donuts. My dad came to pick me up and he apoligized foor not being there for us. Instead of going back home, I told him to take me back to Sea Pines so I could get better.
I'm sorry for running off like that. I'm back now and want to get better!
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