everythinga nd everyone aroun her was routine and cynical closeminded typical predctable nomajor life discruption or adversity not like when she was a teen so nothing woke her up to her unhappiness
didn't allow herself to feel what she did so grew numb and apathetic
pressure, thought you could learn to love it
Past/ Character's history and why they are or do what they do
boring routie life with bit of anxiety caging her in from being diferent/ standing out like everyone else havig backpacks on so she puts one on even though she doesnt need itor doing something more adventurous/risky like talk to some one she wants to
Introduce the character's norm
Not wearing the cute only slightly risky things in her closet and eventually looking at them in stoee and not even buying them.
in a bar to avoid the sad realizatioon
Home for holidays
or maybe the parents are moving and giving her a bunch of her childhood stuff or redoing the house
Stumbles on past writing(s)
starts doing spontaneous/unpredictable things slowely more and people who know her can tell somethings up because of it. and shes like what? im unpredictable. grows angry at people being thrown of and rejecting it a bit expecting her to be back to her normal conventional self yet because unconventional makes them uncomfortable bc everyone e=around her is boring passionless and convention. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXU3BDvq-sQ
Realizes isn't who she thinks she is or that this is the cause of her perpetual disatisfaction
reads or watches long monologue/entry where she talks about how being your true elf sets the best example for others and when you feel how good that feels you wont be able to go back as this monologue/reading continues as a voiceover show her outside at night silent, lost in thought, maybe a tear shedding down her face or breaking down. would breaking down be unlike her though becsuse she grew numb?
impatience and frustration. just wants to feel like self again already and its not happening.
crying and laughing at some of the shiz her younger self wrote/though like hyper docu website memory timehop invention idea
attempts to reconcile this loss through:
an overwhelming amount consumption of past selfs'
some glimmer of hope, maybe she does something naturally and doesnt feel inauthentic, sheds a tear of joy. bliss
her life was fine (somewhat-take from own exper.) growing up bc she used to b all hopeful but that was born out of aan awakened mind and then she went to college was genuinely happy but it was so gradual as was the numbing bc scared to fall into hole and became apathetic and boring because it easy to escape what we want when time has gone by and we aren't o directly impacted by it. Like rappers who want to help their communities but then never do. or like the csp psyche study
similar sad lonely isolated a bit life as theodore in "her" (film)
did she get stuck in a life like unexpected child? nonpresent father? luck mo in favor? injury? Abuse/ive relationship?
it in our beliefs. beliefs about ourself: narrative/confidence, you accept the love you think you deserve. If you don't want to be average then you prob wont end up being normal/average/boring
convincing self happy like i thought my parents and like so many
"often times I think I might be too weak for this life" "I can hardly handle the tiniest little normal things sometimes how am I supposed to handle the eforts tasks adversity of life, everything the future holds. I won't be able to do the big things"
no one in her ife understands her and the more authentic things she's saying so it feels like the exernal is against her and her environment doesnt foster true self. semilar to how I feel talking to N & meht