sometimes, or most of the time i would just think and i couldn't even contol it, i just wanted to feel nothing and when i would feel that i would hate myself for wanting to. i would go on walks, listen to music but sometimes it made it worse and i didnt know what to do anymore.
why do i feel this way? everyones nice, so why? why does it feel so empty inside
i hate myself for feeling this way, i hate feeling. i just want to not exist
**attempts with pills**
i need to not feel, i hope they know how much i love them and dont hate me for this
On Febuary 25th, 2019, i tried to die and ended up telling my mom. she had a feeling because i was having a episode that night. she looked angry at me and it made me feel worse but i didnt know she was feeling the way i did.
i did something, i took a lot of the anti depressants, my stomach hurts
i had a feeling you would, lets go.
Febuary 25th- March 11th 2019it was my first time being admitted into a hospital like this, and all i wanted was to go home. when i came in i couldn't stop with the hic-ups and it was strange because that has never happened. Three other girls were there and they made me feel not alone, but when it was time for bed i was so scared
u cant tell them the truth or they'll extend your stay
please take me home
March 17th- March 27th, 2019i dont remember thinking i was actually ready to leave, i just wanted to leave becausenof the feeling that place gave me. i ended up coming back 6 days later. New people were there but for some reason i was comfortable with them, it wasn't likr this world it was new, and i had a cool roomate
so why are you here?
June 12th- June 27th 2019i know, a lot for a three month period but it was the same thing, i was brought in for suicial thoughts. new people, disgusting food, same feelings. this time i had two roomates and one night we were sleeping and i wake up to one of them peeing in the corner. Now febuary 2nd 2020, im as happy as can be!!!!!