She stepped outside. “Ashley, I want to ask you one question.” She was still talking on the phone cadence, but her gaze was steely. “Remember all those nasty things you said about us? They weren't true, right? I squirmed and tried to find a point to steady my gaze, but my eyes blurred.My pulse pounded. I had not been so fearful since the last time I had been there. I remember being scared of what my dad would say to me. While reading this I could relate to Ashely's emotions.
I passed Mandy my last cookie, and she smiled in gratitude. “We don't have time-outs where I live now,” I boasted. “You're lucky,” Mandy murmured. Mrs. Moss Jumped out of her seat as if she had sat on a hot coil. She grabbed Mandy’s arm and pinched it hard. “Remember, Mandy you’re mine now, and i can beat the crap out of you anytime I want.” This part of the story reminds me of times when I would try to explain myself in tough situations and often people ignored or didnt believe it.
After a couple more foster home transitions Ashley was placed in a home with many other kids that were in similar situations as her. What was unique about this home was that it often had families visit and if they connected with a child they could hopefully begin an adoption process. Like Ashley, I tend to pull away from social environments when I am scared.
My therapist was Mary Fernandez, and I found her probing irritating. I found myself in her office, and crossed my arms, lined my eyes up with a crack in the wall, and braced for the inquisition. “How are you?” she asked pleasantly. I understand where Ashely is coming from. Sometimes when tough times arise people's sympathy does nothing for you but annoy you.
She pointed to a chart that listed feelings. “How about any of those?” “I don't feel anything about it.” “Why?” “There’s nothing I can do anyway, is there?” My voice many have vacillated too much. “It is normal to miss your mother.” “Maybe I'm not normal.” I instantly regretted admitting something was wrong. I can relate with Ashley again because of the situations we've both been in we have labeled ourselves as unnormal.
Ashely receives news that it will never be possible for her to live with her mother and stepdad again. This meant that her only choice of living was adoption. Like Ashely, I always fixed my mind yo thinking that my father would come back or in this case her mom. After the news sunk in Ashely began to look at the positives of the situation and open her mind up to the possibility of living with an adoptive family. Unlike myself, Ashely took control of a hard situation.