It wasn't that I felt like I didn't fit in, it was just that there was no group that pertained to my interests. I didn't like music, I didn't like art, no sports, I am no genius. I wasn't very creative and couldn't write interesting stories. I wasn't a good actor.
Everyone in my town was just one thing, none of the groups mixed or talked to each other, which was fine. But for people who were outsiders like me, it was hard to find or create a group. Well, I'm lying, there are no other outsiders if I'm being honest.
People smiled at me in the halls, they said hi to me in public, but no one was actually friends with me. The people who should probably be outsiders forced themselves to like something they don't actually enjoy. it's kind of sad if you think about it, I had the opportunity to do that. I didn't even consider it. I would hate to be fake.
Even my family were fakes, they had fit themselves into a group and had expected me to do the same. Although, they had never showed disappointment in this, it was easy for me to see that they would rather me be fitting in. So I stayed quiet, making sure not to say anything that would remind them I am not who they wish I was.
Most of the time it was peaceful, me alone with my thoughts. It got lonely after a while, really lonely. You can only think so much before you drive yourself to boredom. I lived in a large city, filled with people. There was someone everywhere and I was never alone, yet I was so lonely. There were zero people to talk to. Zero people who could understand my thoughts.
To make a long story short, I found drugs. At first I smoked weed. Then I snorted coke, I shot heroin, I tripped on acid, I almost found myself fitting in with the group of messed up drug addicts. I was a drug addict, my family didn't know, I was very good at hiding my little world. It wasn't hard, I had done it my entire life.