Dear God, Dear Lord, the all loving God, I thank You for Your holy might, for making me both rich and white.
Though this is Your day of rest, I come to you with one request. There's so much pain beyond this steeple, wars and drugs and homeless people. Sadness where there should be joy, hate, rape, and Soulja Boy. A world in darkness needs your light, so I'm sure your schedule's pretty tight.
But, uh, my dog just had leg surgery. Can you attend to that first?
I'M SORRY, WHAT?!
What?! What's so wrong with asking something from God?! He's MY GOD I HAVE A RIGHT TO ASK HIM FOR SOMETHING JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO.
That's not how it works. God's not your genie or your personal slave. It's okay to ask for something, but to assume that you'd get special treatment isn't it.
UGH, GOD. PLEASE SHUT THIS MAN UP.
I'm switching churches next week.
This skit is heavily inspired by Bo Burnham's RANT.