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  • im jared from subway, i once lost 100 pounds eating nothing but subway, yanno, you should buy subway and lose weight too
  • losing weight while eating sandwhiches sounds lovely. thank you jared, there being pictures to prove your story sure makes you a reliable source on this
  • you really shouldn't jaywalk, did you know that pedestrian deaths accounted for 14 percent of all traffic fatalities of all traffic fatalities in motor vehicles
  • that is a logical reason to not jaywalk. i will stop doing this extremely convenient thing for my own well being
  • mom, i love you, i've done everything a daughter could have for their mother. now to save the last bit of happiness i have could you please let me live and go out tonight
  • fine, do what you're going to do. but only because i want you happy once in your life
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