The Four-Part NVC Process

The Four-Part NVC Process
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  • Mom:      Hi Ameen. How was your day? Can I make you a snack? Ameen:   (Silence - Looking down at his phone.) Mom:        Ameen. Ameen:   Oh, sorry, Mom. DJ was texting me about our plans                   for Friday. What did you say? Mom:    Yes, I noticed you were on your phone. You were texting                        while I was talking.
  •  Ameen: Sorry Mom:      I was hoping we could talk about that actually. I see that                     you are done texting. Could we talk now? Ameen:     Sure, then I have to head to climbing practice. Mom:       Let's go sit in the living room then.
  • Mom:    When I am speaking to you, I notice you are texting. Ameen:  Yeah, sorry about that.  Mom:    I feel annoyed when you aren't paying attention when I'm                      speaking to you. Ameen:    I hear you, Mom. Being on my phone is annoying you. Mom:     Yes!
  • Mom:    I value our time together and when I see you on your phone,     I get annoyed.  Ameen:  I understand. When I'm on my phone that makes you feel       annoyed. It's not respectful. Mom:    I know you are busy, but we don't get a lot of time together            and would like to spend that time with you and not your phone.
  • Mom:    Would you be willing to put your phone away for 15 minutes     so we could catch up? Ameen:    Of course, Mom. I know you value our time together. I     appreciate that. I will put my phone away and we can catch up.     But first, what about that snack?
  • Mom:    I appreciate you spending time with me.  How about I make         you a turkey sandwich? Ameen:  I enjoy our time together too.  Can I have extra turkey? Mom:    Of course!
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