On the first Wednesday of December, Mr. Guareschi announced over the P.A. that in January every junior and senior high school in the state would be taking the New York State Standardized Achievement Tests and that we should plan on taking practice exams at home during the holiday break. The reputation of the school was at stake, he told us, and he was very, very, very confident that we would not let Camillo Junior High down. I'm not sure, but I think Mrs. Baker may have rolled her eyes.
And to be really honest, neither was I?All because of Mr. Goldman and the Long Island Shakespeare Company's Holiday Extravaganza. In which I was going to play Ariel. Ariel the Fairy. And nothing I said to Mr. Goldman helped. Every boy should be so lucky as you, to play in a Shakespeare Company's Holiday Extravaganza, and with such a part! he said. I should have been lucky as you at your age. But let me tell you, wearing yellow tights wasn't making me feel lucky. Not if I wanted to keep living in this town.
what do you think Mom?They are very yellow. But the will look very cute everyone will think their cute
So I showed the tights to my mother, who I figured would have some concern for her only son's reputation.
Your gonna wear these? That's what they want. yellow tights with white feathers on the? yup. Just hope that no one from school sees you.
I tried my father. I handed him the tights while Walter Cronkite was announcing new bombing in Vietnam. I thought they might catch his eye, even though the CBS Evening News was on. They did.
Mr Goldman I can't wear these. Of course you can wear these. I look like a fairy. And this isn't the point. Do you know what will happen if someone sees me? They will say there is holling hoodhood, onstage playing one of Shakespeare's greatest scenes from one of his greatest plays.'
Which they did because they had to do something when they saw where the feathers were, and what they really wanted to do was laugh out loud, but they knew what I would do and it was too late to find another kid to play Ariel the Fairy. I mean, who else was going to wander into Goldman's Best Bakery and be $2.80 short on an order of cream puffs?
My father wasn't there. I guess the Bing Crosby Christmas special wasn't over yet. Standing on the street in front of the Festival Theater in bright yellow tights and a blue floral cape covering white feathers on his butt?봳his was not an Ariel in a happy holiday spirit. I looked up and down the street. Not a single car was moving?봢xcept one speeding away
I suppose it will be of some interest to some of you, she said, that Mickey Mantle is coming to town next week. He is a baseball player. My brother n law has developed strong ties to the Yankee organization, and he has arranged for Mickey Mantle to come to the Baker Sporting Emporium. I am told that in addition to strutting around swinging baseball bats as if it were a worthy vocation, he will sign baseballs for anyone willing to bring one to him.
Still ringing in the hands of Danny Hupfer and Meryl Lee and Mai Thi?봶ho were standing in the very front row! Danny Hupfer and Meryl Lee and Mai Thi! I looked down at them looking up at the bright yellow tights with white feathers on the butt. But they weren't looking at the yellow tights. Because they were all three crying. They stood in the light from the foot lamps, and their cheeks glistened with tears. Shakespeare can do that to you.
Who are you supposed to be, kid? John Wayne. John Wayne never wore tights his whole life. I need to get to the Baker Sporting Emporium. Well, John Wayne, do you have thirty cents? I reached into my pocket, which wasn't there. I didn't think so, said the bus driver. Please, I said. I need to get to the Baker Sporting Emporium. Since Mickey Mantle is signing baseballs, right? Yes. He looked at his watch. You might make it. If you had thirty cents. The quality of mercy is not strained, I said. He looked at me like I had just spoken a foreign language. Please, I said. The driver shook his head. Okay, John Wayne.
What are you supposed to be? You look like a fairy. Im ariel. SOunds like a girls name. He's a warrior. Sure he is listen I don't sign balls for kids who wear yellow tights. Its past 9:30 Im done.
Here I don't want this anymore. whats the matter kid. You Pied ninny.
Mr hupfer and Mr schweiteck I arranged with your parents for you to stay in school this after noon
Joe Pepitone and Horace Clarke were waiting for us in the bleachers. In their Yankee uniforms. Number 25 and Number 20. The two greatest players to put on Yankee pinstripes since Babe Ruth.
I threw with Horace Clarke, and Danny and Doug threw with Joe Pepitone. Then we switched, and Danny threw with Horace Clarke, and Doug and I threw with Joe Pepitone. Then we went outside, and under a warm sun and on a diamond that hadn't been used since October, Horace Clarke crouched behind the plate and I threw fastballs to him, and even, once, a knuckleball. Really. And then Danny got up and Horace Clarke pitched and Joe Pepitone and I shagged balls in the outfield. And then Joe Pepitone got up and Doug and I shagged balls in the outfield. And then we took some infield practice from Horace Clarke. And then we stood around the diamond?봋oe Pepitone at home, Danny at first, Horace Clarke at second, Doug at deep shortstop, me at third?봞nd we whipped the ball to each other around and around and around, as fast as we could, while Horace Clarke chanted, Out of there, out of there, out of there, and the balls struck soft and deep in the pockets of the gloves, and the smack of them, and the smell of the gloves, filled the bright yellow air, while a breeze drew across us the whole time, as soft as feathers.