Assil's 26th Birthday
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- A Song ofCakes and Candles
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- Assil grew up in a loving home with his family
- What a beautiful little girl!
- Wait, what's that tiny thing between her legs?
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- Assil enjoyed playing outside with his friend Gabey and sharing their toys
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- Assil's father warned him of the dangers of the outside world in an effort to protect him
- Be careful my child, there are horrors beyond your worst nightmare on these streets. It may not be safe to live here anymore.
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- But when the bullies came, Assil didn't know what to do. He wanted to help his dear friend in trouble, but he froze in place and all he could do was watch.
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- From that moment Assil knew that he had to move away from Afghanistan forever...
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- Assil was excited to start his new life in a first world country. He was going to a new school and couldn't wait to start learning and socializing with his new peers.
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- Assil started to adapt well to his classes, excelling in his work, but he struggled to make friends.
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- One day Assil finally started to fit in after befriending Dishon, one half of the power couple at the school
- Hey new kid! Want to come play soccer with us?
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- DIshon even introduced Assil to new friends
- This is my friend Sagar, he taught me everything I know. The girls just call him Mr. Big Penis if you've ever heard that name before.
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- They didn't get along at first
- This guy kind of looks like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo
- Fuck you
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- When they went to high school, Assil no longer had Dishon by his side. Sagar started to feel pity for the poor fool, and decided to take him under his wing.
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- One day the boys were having some innocent fun running kites
- On their bus rides to school, Sagar started to teach Assil the art of rizz. These were only theory lessons though, where Assil would have to memorize good pickup lines like "Where my hug at?"
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- Assil got his practical lessons during lunch, where he sat alone and watched Sagar rizz up every girl at the school
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- The boys took part in some bonding time as well, playing rugby together and growing their friendship
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- Despite all this, Assil remained in the closet for the remainder of his teenage years, not speaking to a girl for years to come
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- Assil put his head down and started to work on himself, going to the gym regularly to get in shape
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- In the gym Assil made some new friends and grew apart from his old ones. He started to bond with an argonian student from Germany that went to his school named Gary.
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- Dishoogway and Chantay taught Assil about the ways of life. They taught him about friendship, loyalty, and most importantly love.
- We're going to be laughing at everyone when we have lambos by our 26th birthday! Set an alarm for July 22nd 2024, the day you buy your lambo!
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- The years past and Assil realized he didn't want to be friends with retards like Gary, so he tracked down the coolest person he knew to reignite a long lost friendship
- Hey Mr. Big Pen-I mean uh, hey Sagar!
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- The boys reconnected and to Assil's surprise, Sagar was finally tied down to a girl. His girlfriend Riya looked to be some sort of exotic supermodel, can you blame the guy? Looking at thesexiest pair of people ever, the battymon left Assil's body and inspired him to find a girl of his own.
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- Going beyond his own expectations, Assil was able to cuff a beautiful Muslim woman named Mahnam that was way out of his league
- Salaam alaikum
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- Their relationship proceeding rapidly, and they committed themselves to one another
- Must I sin to be with you, Assil agha?
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- Life was good. Mahnam was out of her shell and started to grow close with Assil's friends. Assil and Sagar bonded more and became even more than just bros. They were ultimate bros.
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- In a distant part of the galaxy though, there was an evil growing. Gary was defeated by the police, but it was not just any police. The sith were back, and they had evil, evil plans.
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- Dwelling in the cellar of Millex's basement, Emperor Cum had retuned from Waterloo. He had some help as well in the form of Darth Sunnyjim, and they didn't take long to start sucking the power out of every man they saw.
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- Darth Sunnyjim was a menace! Bringing men back to Emperor Cum's bedroom and sucking the power from them at a rate far more efficient than even Emperor Cum could believe!
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- Darth Sunnyjim even made an advance on Dishon, but fortunately for him his girlfriend Sybia showed up and was able to save him from a horrible fate
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- Assil knew what he had to do to protect his friends. Everything that Mr. Big Penis and Dishoogway taught him, all that training in the gym. It all made sense now. It was time to go absolute dicko mode!
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- Men were falling like flies! Darth Sunnyjim sucked the power out of half of Brampton in no time! No one was safe from her advances except for Emperor Cum! He would sit back and watch it all happen in front of him!
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