"She's just crazy" Everyone would say. I believed it and the craziness was getting worse. It would start off with restless nights. I would wake up panting and sweating as if the monsters chasing me in my nightmares were real. When I would wake up the monsters would be gone but the sense of doom and fear remained. I would start sweating, there was tightness in my chest, I couldn't breath and my lips would be dry.
At least in the nightmares I could see the monsters. I knew who I was running away from and fighting against.
In real life I was slowly being killed by an invisible monster. The dizziness wasn't as unbearable as the vertigo, the exhaustion and loneliness. I was like a yoyo without a string spinning in the abysm with no one holding me when the spinning was over.
That rainy day I was sitting in my old 1976 beige Ford Granada at a red light waiting for it to turn green so I could drive across the highway to go home. I had barely managed to take my sister to school and she had asked me to pick her up. I needed that red light to turn green soon.
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Please turn green now! Please turn green now! So many thoughts were racing through my head at 100 mph. If I run this red light as fast as I can into the highway traffic I could kill the monster. That fucking light was taking forever to turn green. I was exhausted, at 28 years old I felt like I was 100. I couldn't bear another thought. Do it! Just end this misery please! Who would pick up my sister? She needed me to pick her up. I really really needed to pick her up.
Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!