The Adventures of Matman Bringing structural, private sector solutions to underachievement in local authority sink schools*
* Not really..................
Meek, mild-mannered, unassuming Barry Pugh was a wholly inadequate classroom teacher. Desperate to escape the classroom, Barry became an OFSTED inspector, a role in which his incompetence didn't seem to matter!
While inspecting a shabby, underachieving local authority school, Barry tripped on an ill-fitting piece of carpet in the school foyer. After grazing his arm on the radioactive carpet (cheaply sourced as a result of austerity budget pressures from a stockist near Chernobyl) he began to feel ill. Later that night he sank into a wild delirium!
Throughout the night he tossed and turned, caught in the vice-like grip of this strange fever. He was troubled by vivid images and fantasies of a land where schools were different!
When he awoke the next day, he discovered he had been granted strange new powers. He decided instantly to use his new powers to establish a better world. A world where all schools would be liberated from the dead hand of state control! A world where, in partnership with the finest minds of private enterprise, schools would flourish, standards would rise inexorably and corridors would be silent! A world of the Multi-Academy Trust!
Never again would any school be held back by regulation, a commitment to social justice or collaboration! Never again would a school have to suffer the indignity of poorly fitting , low quality carpet!
Next episode: Matman saves his first failing school!