Hey honey, I want to have sex with you! But I don't think that I'm ready to have kids yet...
Yea...maybe its too early for us to have kids. But how can we enjoy ourselves without getting you pregnant? I know! Lets ask my father!
Where is that voice coming from? Is that...God?
What is it son? You're lucky that I have time off right now.
Of course? Didn't you see my tinder bio? My name isn't Jesus for no reason.
Well father, how do we have sex without having a child?
Well, son, one hormonal method that your beloved can use is called "The Pill". These pills release hormones that prevent ovulation, and in turn prevent pregnancies. Don't have sex immediately after using it, because it takes up to one month of continuous use to become effective.
My apologies for the horrible diagrams. There aren't many graphic designers up here in heaven.
No problem, dad. I know there aren't any good computers in heaven.
Next up is "The Shot". It's an injection containing progesterone that is given to your beloved every three months. The tradeoff of dealing with needles is that you both only need to wait a week until it becomes effective.
I hate needles.
Pills it is, then!
A less cumbersome method is "The Patch". It is an adhesive patch that is placed on the upper arm or buttocks. Use these for three weeks straight, then refrain for the fourth.
This seems a lot more convenient!
Simply called "The Implant", this method involves inserting a chemical stick roughly the size of a matchstick into the woman's forearm. After a short period of time, she is almost immune to pregnancies for up to five years.
Trust my word, child. There is no pain.
But inserting it seems painful...but five years, huh?