When I was 5, my cousin who is 4 years older than me, some friend of him who was even older than him,and me were playing in the corn field; the corn was already tall, and we were covered by its shade. I remember them laughing at me, because I was 5, but I could not read or add 1+1, and I was going to start school in a few months. They were constantly saying that I would not be taken to school because of being dumb. I remember the frustration and even anger I felt when they were laughing at me. I felt so inferior and small, and that tall corn made me feel even smaller and more incapable. I think I felt so becauseI really wanted to be in school just like them, to share my successes with adults in my family (especially, my granddad) who valued academic achievement more than anything else. I was afraid that if I had not learned how to add 1+1, I would not be loved by anyone in the family or even would beexcluded from it.
dd one plus one, and I was going to start school in a fewmonths. They were constantly saying that I would not be taken to school becauseof the lack of abilities and being dumb. I remember the frustration and evenanger I felt when they were laughing at me. I felt so inferior and small, andthat tall corn made me feel even smaller and incapable. I think I felt so, becauseI really wanted to be in school just like them, to share my successes withadults in my family (especially, my granddad) who valued academic achievement alot, I’d say more than anything else. I was afraid that if I had not learnedhow to add 1+1, I would not be loved by anyone in the family or even would beexcluded from it.
At the age of 3, I finally got a dog, after begging my mother for several months. We got a puppy, it was a spaniel, and I was overly excited; but for the next could of days, all I remember, my mom saying how horrible it was to have a dog, how it frustrated her, how it peed on every carpet, and so on. Then, I remember the dog was gone and my mom explaining that it went to the farm where it would be much happier. I felt disappointed and upset but helpless and hopeless. I felt that way because one of the biggest childhood dreams, having a dog, just like many other kids have had theirs, had finally come true to be gone again within very short period of time, and there was nothing I could do about it.
At the age of 9, we moved to a bigger city, andI went to a new school. I really wanted to be a friend of teacher’s daughter because she seemed to be the neatest and the smartest girl in the class. It happenedso that my mother and the teacher became friends, and one day, she and her daughter came to visit us. While our parents had “adult” conversations in the kitchen, I was desperately trying to get along with that girl. We started playing a spider race game, and she got injured: her lip started bleeding. We went to the restroom to wash off the blood to hide it from parents. I feltcsorry and scared, as on the one had, I injured the teacher’s daughter and on the other hand, she might not want to be my friend now.
I am an overachiever and perfectionist that wants to control all the aspects of my life and work.I should be less demanding to myself and others.Others are expecting me to be a superwoman and never fail. Life is about success and being capable to make one’s own decision. Therefore, to have a place, I must continue to achieve my goals to prove that I am capable and worth of loving.
Working as an instructor in postsecondary institutions gives me an opportunity to learn something new all the time; but it is important for me that my learning and academic achievements are recognized by my supervisors and managers as well as peers and students. I believe it gives me the feeling of superiority and the sense of belonging to the academia, especially, here in Canada. I feel that if I do not get enough of North America credentials, I will not belong here and eventually, will lose my job (will be excluded) which will also affect my personal life, since I will not be able to take care of my family and will lose my status of a “successful woman” in the community. I used to be a union bargaining chair representing the needs and interests of the college faculty. Despite having lots of power nominally,this position required many diplomatic skills and the ability to navigate organizational politics very well. Being an immigrant with not much experience in Canadian workplace, I always felt that I was not good enough for this role although all the feedback I got from various stakeholders was good. This feeling of being not capable in the job created too much tension, and I have decided to step down from the position. I felt that I could not be perfect in the role, I had no confidence interacting with management, the outcomes of my work were not always recognised or ‘seen’ by the faculty members, and I started burning out there. Being aware of the impact of my earliest recollections on my current attitudes to work, interactions with others, and life in general helps me to see my blind spots and what I can do to become more reasonable in making important decisions.
The article by Luszczynska et al. (2005) examines how self-efficacy as one of the most impactful psychological constructs affects the functioning of individuals, including their desire to achieve in academic settings. The research based on the data collected from almost 9,000 participants in five different countries demonstrated that high self-efficacy is associated with academic performance across the cultures investigated making self-efficacy auniversal construct. The development of self-efficacy through the prior experience, support of significant others, and behaviour models can be a prerequisite for the successful academic performance.
The article by Chase and Post (2022) discusses the necessity to change the belief system of therapists working with racially diverse children in order to incorporate the social justice advocacy attitudes. The results of the research demonstrated that to build social justice advocacy attitudes among play therapist to support children who are impacted by poverty,unequal opportunities, discrimination, or trauma, it is necessary to incorporate the understanding of trauma-informed care and cultural humility in the trainingof play therapist. Professionals working with children who are racially diverse and might experience challenges related to the lack of belonging and inferiority have a chance to overcome these struggles and develop strong and dedicated communities and the society,