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My Sunshine

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My Sunshine
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  • Slide: 1
  • Alisha
  • Me
  • It was in 4th grade. I didn't know anyone except one of my closest friends, a girl named Alisha, and another girl, Alexandra. I'd been in the same class with Alisha since kindergarten, but I'd only been in the same class with Alex since about 2nd grade. I didn't want to be alone, so I hung out with the person I knew and liked most, Alisha...until she started hanging out with weird kids. I don't want to be mean or anything, I don't mean weird as in "I'm a bully!" I mean weird as in...I don't know, they were just strange. Something felt off about them. Don't get me wrong; they were always nice to Alisha and me, but something just felt off. I can't explain it. But if I wanted to hang out with Alisha, I had to hang out with them, so I had to make a choice: stay with my friend, but also the strange people? Or go off alone, but be separated from the only friend I knew?
  • Slide: 2
  • So, in the end, I chose to be alone. Alisha's friends gave me a bad gut feeling, so I did what was right. I underestimated how soul-crushingly lonely it would be, though. I would wander the fields at recess, muttering to myself and making tiny bouquets of flowers and grass. Whenever I told myself I was fine, I felt a cold shiver down my spine, as if to remind me how untrue that was. Still, I put up with it, for a while, until I decided that I couldn't take it anymore. I went with Alex, and her friend, Suhaavi. For a while, I felt better, since being with people I knew were nice was better than Alisha's friends.
  • Slide: 3
  • Suhaavi
  • Alex
  • Things were better, but they could have been better. Does that make sense? I mean, being with someone was better than being alone, but in a way, I still felt lonely. It was like Alex and Suhaavi were best friends, and I was a ghost hovering behind. Forgotten, not needed, unimportant. When I plucked up the courage to question them about this, they denied it and reassured me that it wasn't like that, that it was never like that. I smiled and accepted it, but deep down, I knew that it was a lie. I knew that I was only allowed to be there because, I don't know, maybe they were trying to spare my feelings, but I know one thing: ignoring me, taking me for granted, treating me like I'm not there? Not good ways to spare my feelings. But I put up with it. I still hung out with them.
  • Slide: 4
  • Circle
  • I don't really remember when India joined our group, she just...did. What I do remember, or rather, who I do remember...is Circle (her real name's Yifan). God, she was...my everything. She wasn't always. At first, I was jealous of her because she was best friends with Alisha, who, again, was my closest friend. It also felt like Circle was constantly trying to take Alisha away from me, which I didn't like. But eventually...I don't know. Circle and Alisha grew apart, and I became the new Alisha, in a way. I sort of...filled the space that Alisha left behind. I don't remember why.
  • Slide: 5
  • 🎶
  • How I went from hating her to loving her, I don't know, but Circle remains of one the best friends I've ever had. She was sweet and funny and kind, and she had great stories. She shared them with me, and I shared mine with her. We would sing to each other sometimes, and I remember wishing it would last forever. Singing has been important to me for some time, and when I choose to sing to someone, it means I trust them. Like, really trust them. And to give you an idea of how much I trusted her, I didn't even show my singing to my own mother. I didn't know it at the time, but I'm pretty sure I had a crush on her. I remember how the sunlight illuminated us.
  • Slide: 6
  • One day (Friday), we were gathered to listen to the weekly announcements, and things like that. I had forgotten my sweater, and it was cold, so I shivered and said, "Brr! It's cold!" Then, Circle did something I didn't expect her to do: she hugged me. It was the warmest, most comfortable hug I had ever received. It made me blush. It wasn't even awkward or weird, it was just...her and me, together.
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