The Evolution of a Man: The Story of Sal
Storyboard Text
- ESQI! Sales, baby! Sales! $$$$$
- ESQI! Sales, baby! Sales! $$$$$
- $$$$$
- You’ll never guess what Sal did today…he was in a meeting with Don, Pam and Andy and Andy asked him to introduce himself to some new people.
- Andy: “Sal, please introduce yourself to our new hires and give us a little bit about your background.” Sal: “There isn’t much to tell that you can’t already surmise from my sporty demeanor and generally chic appearance.” Andy: “Sal! Really now? C’mon, seriously, let’s hear it.”
- Sal: “If you insist. Though, if you have to ask, you shouldn’t be allowed to know. Nevertheless, let’s begin with my upbringing. Like most Enterprise employees, I was hired during a time of turmoil, faced hardship and loneliness, but ultimately, rose to the top through scrappy yet determined resourcefulness and a brutal disregard for others. I guess you could say I learned from others’ mistakes. Such was the nature of my childhood.
- I was born in Mexico City, fled to America and settled in South St. Louis, moved out West, and then…I turned one. I was the first and only son of a noble father, an urban huntsman who moonlighted as a scatman, and a ruthlessly gentle mother, incidentally, the first female lumberjack in the Pacific Northwest with an inexplicable talent for micro-brewing.
- Though their stock cultivated my toughness, a male Hernandez is not simply raised by parents, the male Hernandez bids farewell to his parents and launches himself on the real world at the comfortable age of three.
- In my case, overachieving to a fault, I was but one-and-a-half years of age when I climbed my way across a forest at the foothills of the Olympic Mountains without ever touching the ground, swam across the Puget Sound and settled in a small village smattered with the remnants of a once-large Nez Perce tribe. Though rough, my new family was welcoming.
- My adopted father was a rather large, but agreeable man with unusually long arms and a pronounced cleft lip named Blowing Wind. And so I lived and grew with bold savagery until the age of 24. Thanks to Down Wind, my adopted sister, and her equestrian expertise, I raised my own horse and was able to ride off into the sunset until reaching Tucson…
- …where I began a life of uninhibited crime.
- ESQI! Sales, baby! Sales! $$$$$
- Legend though I was, I was eventually caught and forcibly turned informant by the FBI. Eager to rid myself of the burden of answering to the whims of others, I became an agent.
- Happy Birthday, Sal! From Suman and Amelia
- Despite my developing drinking problem and unabashed addiction to Bu-7s, I very naturally excelled until the point of my retirement.
- Following my retirement as the Assistant Director of the Los Angeles FBI office, I grew weary of free time and longed for the bustle of my formerly wild and harsh life.
- So, naturally. I applied to be an MT in Group 32. Within five years, I rose through the ranks to become the company’s Compliance and Ethics Officer in St. Louis. Not bad for a little boy from South St. Louis, no?”
- Andy then immediately called Dave and had him escort Sal out of the building!
- Good Thymes!
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